Eating: chips with french dip
Alright, so, the fuses blew at my nightmarish house which is over 114 years old, which is why I wasn't online.
Mom thought she left the ones from before in the basement, but she didn't want to look for them, it was too cold, and so when she left my boyfriend Max moved the things away from the basement door and went back down to help look, as he can stand the cold longer.
She comes into the kitchen and screams down "Please get out of there!"
He calls up, "I'm just trying to help"
She says "You don't NEED to be down there!"
I turn to her and go "You know, you don't have to be such a /bitch/." I was totally calm.
She goes "He doesn't need to be sticking his /nose/ where it doesn't belong!"
Max repeats, "I was trying to help" and things just get haywire, I don't remember what happens exactly, I just remember being backed up against the fridge, nana (my grandmother) had come in and was by the microwave, max was by the door to the kitchen, mom had shoved everything back against the basement door.
I don't know who said what when, but this was what was said
"You don't /know/ this house like /we/ do! We've lived here for 15 years!" - mom
"I know about /eletricity/, I know how it works." - max was /trying/ to stay cool
"bullshit! you don't know this house! this house is different!" - mom
something something something... "I let you down there /once/, you were /welcome/ down there /once/, you had no right to go down there after that!" - mom, and she's screaming her head off
I spoke up again, "This is nana's house, it's her decision whether or not he can explore or not."
She comes charging towards me, I raised my right arm to block and she growls, "Same goes for /you/! What gives you the right to /let/ him go nosing around?!"
anyway, at one point nana finally steps in and tries to break it up, and mom growls and tells me to leave, so I walk out of the kitchen and then run upstairs, and listen to her and max go at it, same thing that went on in the kitchen just going around in circles
and then she came upstairs and cornered me in my room yelling at me, because in my mother's mind, I'm the one who started all of this, because he's /my/ boyfriend, and so his actions are my actions. She's telling me that max and I should just /leave/ and I'm laying there on my bed blinking at her, letting her yell it out.
Max screams up the stairs, "IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM, BRING UP WITH /ME/! DON'T TAKE IT OUT ON BRIA!"
mom tries to say it's betwen her and I, and goes down to yell at max some more
then I hear nana scream "I reiterate, can someone /please/ go get Bria and tell her to come here?!" and so max comes up, i'm trying not to cry
because if I cry she wins
I go downstairs after spending a minute hugging max and calming down, and nana tries to ask what started all of this
after that things calmed down, I took some nyquil and went to bed after I talked to nana for a while
This all happened New Years night (not new years eve, the night after, the evening of new years day)
What a way to start the New Year, the year of the Snake, in the year 2013, and 13 is an unlucky number. In Asia I guess 13 is lucky, but it was sure unlucky two nights ago.
Fuck my life.
and THEN yesterday morning, I come down to go to the bathroom, I hear nana say "You only have the capacity to love one person, and you keep getting kicked in the teeth every time." That means Andrew, the man my mother can never have. There's silence for a moment, and then nana asks, "Do you even love me?"
mom says "no" with a scoff.
nana asks "do you love brianna?"
I shook my head and went back upstairs, I didn't need to hear anymore. I had known since I was a child that my mother never loved me, she never had to say it to my face. I'm just a friend, a friend that can be thrown away